11:30 p.m. musetime, August 9, 1997 The Restless Audience: [public] Theater_Manager: 5 minutes to curtain! [public] Theater_Manager: 5 minutes to curtain! [public] House_Lights flicker [public] Hagbard: Airbike, I could swear you said you ate some glass and it hurt? [public] Tiresias: er, does this involve spam? :) [public] Theater_Manager: Peanuts? Lemonade? Programs? [public] Theater_Manager: tir, not much :) [public] Airbike: No, I said, "I can eat glass. It does not hurt me." [public] House_Lights sputter as a light tech runs to replace a fuse. [public] Theater_Manager: Audience participation is eagerly sought :) [public] Hagbard: Airbike, ..missed the masen, sorry [public] Airbike: I can say that phrase in almost any language. [public] Tiresias: there is a project ongoing to translate that phrase into as many languages as possible [public] Hagbard ponders this achievement. Beats "ou est la plume de ma tante." .. [public] Airbike: Right. that's the only way I can do it. [public] Theater_Manager: Free will donations anyone? [public] Theater_Manager passes a hat [public] Tiresias: the idea being to be able to say a sentence in a foreign language that doesn't scream tourist :) [public] A_Participation: You were seeking me? [public] Airbike: The Project is based on the idea that people in a foreign country have an irresistable urge to try to say something in the indigenous tongue. In most cases, however, the best a person can do is "Where is the bathroom?" a phrase that marks them as a tourist. But, if one says "I can eat glass, it doesn't hurt me," you will be viewed as an insane native, and treated with dignity and respect. [public] Hagbard: On the other hand, if you say that on Omtote-sando they may call the men in the white coats.. [public] House_Lights fall, barely missing an Audience member The Play Begins: [public] Curtain raises [public] Stage_Lights come up [public] Hamlet has left this channel. [public] Hamlet has joined this channel. [public] Audience applauds [public] Hamlet: To be, or not to be: [public] Audience applauds politely, in fact [public] Spam showers itself over Audience [public] Hamlet: that is the question: [public] Hamlet: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer [public] Gandalf: neat. this muse still has my @who command :) [public] Hamlet : The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, [public] Mercutio: Excuse me - what was the question? [public] Girl_in_Audience sighs [public] Hamlet : Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Ophelia(#8651) to Stage_manager [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Mercutio(#4694) to Rosencrantz [public] Hamlet : And by opposing end them? [public] sea_of_troubles: hey! quit threatening me! [public] Stage_manager : Mercutio, you're supposed to be in the small theater. [public] Hamlet : To die: to sleep; [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Stage_manager(#8651) to Ophelia [public] Rosencrantz wonders if someone will get the ham and egg sandwich he ordered [public] Hamlet : No more; and by a sleep to say we end [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Rosencrantz(#4694) to Guildenstern [public] Hamlet : The The heart-ache and a thousand natural shocks [public] Guildenstern offers Rosencrantz his pastrami on rye [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Girl_in_Audience(#9593) to Concessionnaire [public] Hamlet : That flesh is heir yo, 'tis a consummation [public] Airbike: HEads. [public] Concessionnaire passes among the audience with spamNeggs [public] Gandalf :) [public] Hamlet : To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub [public] Seuss: I do not like Green Eggs And Spam, I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! [public] Hamlet : For in that sleep of death what dreams may come [public] Hamlet : When we have shuffled off this mortal coil. [public] Hamlet : Must give us pause: there's the respect [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Guildenstern(#4694) to Polonius [public] Hamlet : That makes calamity of so long life; [public] Polonius steps behind the arass [public] Hamlet : For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, [public] Airbike: No, he'll kill you! [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Polonius(#4694) to Gertrude [public] Hamlet : The oppressor [public] MacDuff raises an eyebrow [public] Airbike quiets down [public] Gertrude steps in front of the arass [public] MacDuff: it was ophelia and concessionare on there [public] Hamlet : The pangs of despised love, the law's delay, [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Gertrude(#4694) to HamletsGhost [public] Hamlet : That patient merit of the unworthy takes, [public] Ophelia : Gertrude's trying to cover her arass. [public] Hamlet : When he himself might his quietus make [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: HamletsGhost(#4694) to HamsFathersGhost [public] Hamlet : With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear. [public] Passing_drunk: hey, you wishy-washy wimp! Why don'tcha just kill yerself and be done with it!? [public] Hamlet : To grunt ans sweat under a weary life, [public] HamsFathersGhost: I told Gertrude we should have let him play with other kids. Now look what's happened. [public] Ophelia : Concessaionaire, got any bear fardels? [public] Hamlet : But that the dread of something after death, [public] Hamlet : The undicover'd country from whose bourn [public] Coward :P [public] Hamlet : No travveler returns, puzzles the will [public] Hamlet : And makes us rather bear those ills we have [public] Hamlet : Than fly to others that we know no of? [public] Hamlet : Thus conscience does make cowards of us all; [public] ShadowDancer has left this channel. [public] Concessionnaire: Ice cream? Popcorn? Pepsi(tm)? [public] Hamlet : And thus the native huc of resolution [public] Xiphoid: what about Creamsoda? [public] Concessionnaire pops a top and tosses it over [public] Ophelia enters reading .... [public] Hamlet : is sicklied o'er with pale cast of thought, [public] Airbike has left this channel. [public] Hamlet : And enterprises of great pith and moment [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: HamsFathersGhost(#4694) to Horatio [public] Hamlet : With this regard their currents turn awry [public] Horatio Oh do stop pithing, Hamlet.. [public] Horatio thought reading was a suburb of Londong, not Elsinore? [public] Ophelia turns the page and holds the book at arms length as she's forgotten her glasses. [public] Hamlet : And lose the name of action.--Soft you now! [public] Hamlet : The fair Ophelia! [public] Ophelia bats her lashes [public] Hamlet : Nymph, in thy orisons [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Concessionnaire(#9593) to Sweet_Nymph [public] Hamlet : Be all my sins remember'd. [public] Ophelia : Good my Lord. How does your honour for this many a day? [public] Hamlet: I humbly thank you; well, well, well. [public] Sweet_Nymph presses an autograph book on Hamletto [public] Tiresias: not really, they said.. [public] Ophelia : My lord, I have remembrances of yours, that I have longed long to redeliver; [public] Ophelia : I pray you, now receive them. [public] Hamlet : No, not I; I never gave you aught. [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Horatio(#4694) to SecondClown [public] Ophelia : My honour'd lord, you know right well you did! [public] Ophelia : And, with the, words of so sweet breath composed As made the things more rich: [public] Ophelia : Their perfume lost, Take these again; for to the noble mind Rich gifts was poor when givers prove unkind. [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: SecondClown(#4694) to FirstClown [public] Ophelia tosses things at Hamlets's head - "There, my lord." [public] Hamlet : Ha, ha! are you honest? [public] Ophelia : My lord? [public] Hamlet : Are you fair? [public] Ophelia : What means your lordship? [public] FirstClown hands Hamlet a skull [public] Hamlet : That if you be honest and fair, your honesty should [public] Hamlet : admit no discourse to your beauty. [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Sweet_Nymph(#9593) to Theater_Manager [public] Theater_Manager: John Henry's afterwards, miss. [public] Ophelia : Could beauty, my lord, have better comerce than with honesty? [public] Hamlet : Ay,truly;for the power of beauty will sooner [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: FirstClown(#4694) to SecondClown [public] Hamlet : transform honesty from what it is to a bawd than the [public] Hamlet : force of honesty can translate beauty into his [public] Hamlet : likeness: this was sometime a paradox, but now the [public] Hamlet : time gives it proof. I did love you once. [public] Ophelia : Indeed, my lord, you made me believe so [public] Hamlet : You should not have believed me; for virtue cannot so inoculate our old stock but we shall relish of it: I loved you NOT. [public] Ophelia : I was the more decieved [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: SecondClown(#4694) to laertes [public] Hamlet : Get thee to a nunnery: why wouldst thou be a breeder of sinners?I am myself indifferent honest; but yet I coulf accuse me of such thingss that it were better my mother had not borne me: I am very proud, revengeful, ambitious, with more offences at [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Theater_Manager(#9593) to Audience [public] Audience: woah! [public] Hamlet : my beck than I have thoughts to put them in, imagination to give them shape, or time to act them in. What should such fellows as I do crawling between earth and heaven? [public] Hamlet : We are arrant knaves, all; believe none of us [public] Hamlet : Go thy ways to a nunnery. [public] Audience hisses like a snake [public] Hamlet : Where's your father? [public] Ophelia : At home, my lord. [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Ophelia(#8651) to Gossip [public] Hamlet : let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play the [public] Gossip: no he's not! He's behind the arass [public] Hamlet : fool no where but in's own house [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Gossip(#8651) to Ophelia [public] Hamlet : Farewell. [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: laertes(#4694) to Polonius [public] Ophelia : O, help him, you sweet heavesn! [public] Hamlet : It thou dost marry, I'll give thee this plague for thy dowty: [public] Polonius trembles in fear [public] Hamlet : be thou as chastc as ice, as pure as snow, thou shall not escape calumnry. Get thee to a nunnery, go: [public] Audience hopes that girl doens't have a Fear of Rejection [public] Ophelia trembles at the thought of ending up an old maid! [public] Hamlet : farewell, Or if thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them. [public] Hamlet : To a nunnery, go, and quickly too [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Polonius(#4694) to SecondClown [public] Hamlet : FAREWELL. [public] Ophelia : O heavenly powers, restore him! [public] Ophelia pulls out the maxfactor compact and touches up her lipstick [public] SecondClown ,being a fool, offers to marry Ophelia. [public] Hamlet : I have heard of your paintings too, well enough; God has given you one faceface, [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Ophelia(#8651) to Curtain [public] Hamlet : and you make yourselves another:you jig, you amble, and you lisp, and nick-name God's creatures, [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Curtain(#8651) to Ophelia [public] Audience gasps! [public] Hamlet : and you make your wantoness your ignorance. [public] Ophelia: I don't lithp. I thpeak thwell [public] Audience gasps again! [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Ophelia(#8651) to Curtain [public] Audience also laughs [public] Hamlet : Go to, I'll no more on't; it hath made me mad. [public] Hamlet : I say, we will have no more marriages: [public] Hamlet : those that are married already, all but one, shall live, the rest shall keep as they are. [public] Hamlet : To a nunnery, [public] Hamlet : go. Hamlet says "hands are getting tired" [public] Curtain falls on the same audience member smacked around earlier by the house lights. [public] Hamlet exits [public] Gandalf: heh :) [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Curtain(#8651) to Ophelia [public] Audience applauds wildly [public] Audience screams and whistles [public] Ophelia can be seen hitchhiking through the scrim carrying a suitcase and a rosary. [public] Audience: actors! actors! [public] Hamlet : The actors/actresses will now come out [public] Ophelia bows. [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Hamlet(#2504) to Clif [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: SecondClown(#4694) to Hagbard [public] Ophelia turns and applauds as Hamlet enters. [public] Hagbard wonders about coming out on the muse... [public] Clif comes out on stage. [public] Ophelia reverts back to Puck [public] Audience hi5's clif [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Ophelia(#8651) to Puck [public] Clif hi5's Audience [public] Audience foofs puck [public] Puck sends Clif the Maevis Beacon award. [public] Clif: Ok, I was Hamlet [public] Audience rubs clif's fingers [public] Clif: Puck was Ophelia [public] Clif: thanks, i needed that [public] Audience: Author! Author! [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Audience(#9593) to Electric_Bard [public] Clif: we did Act 3, scene 1 by Wiliam Shakespheare (Hamlet) [public] Electric_Bard takes a bow [public] Clif: I must congrat Macduff [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Electric_Bard(#9593) to Audience [public] Clif: She did all the audience char's [public] Audience stomps feet [public] Clif: Lets have her come on Stage [public] Puck: not all of them Clif... [public] Audience: well,....only a couple [public] Puck: but a bunch of 'em. [public] Audience: we also had Anonymous, Hagbard and I dunno who all else [public] Clif: ok, well puck was lights and curtains i belive In the Green Room: [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Audience(#9593) to Clifs_Agent [public] Puck: Clif, I'm really proud of you. that's a tough scene to type. and you did a great job. [public] Clifs_Agent circulates with contract in hand [public] Clif: thanks [public] Clif get's his pen out [public] Clif scribbles on contract [public] Clif now reads it [public] Clifs_Agent watches nervously [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Hagbard(#4694) to BigTimeProducer [public] Clif signs contract [public] Clifs_Agent: whew! he didn't notice that i get 50 percent off the top :) [public] BigTimeProducer offers 5 movie deal. [public] Clif rips up his agents contract and signs Producer's contract [public] BigTimeProducer: The first one will be the long awaited remake of Steamboat Willie [public] Clif grinz [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Clifs_Agent(#9593) to Lawyer [public] Lawyer serves clif w/a lawsuit [public] BigTimeProducer: you get the starring role [public] Clif: OBJECTION! [public] Judge: OVERRULED! [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: BigTimeProducer(#4694) to Bailiff [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Lawyer(#9593) to Publisher [public] Puck: he's only 11 years old! he can't sign a legally binding contract. [public] Clif rips up producer's contract, rewrites his agent's contract, and signs it [public] Bailiff: order in the court, order in the court! [public] Publisher: log will be posted on www.musenet.org/~macduff on the morrow [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Bailiff(#4694) to Judge [public] Gandalf :) [public] Judge issues immediate gag order [public] Clif: SUPER OBJECTION! [public] Clif: heresay! [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Publisher(#9593) to MacDuff [public] Judge holds Clif in contempt - didn't you hear the gag order? [public] Puck mmmphs er mmmsphs through the gag. [public] Clif: /gags himself [public] Clif goes to bed and gets an arrow in his ear:) [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: Judge(#4694) to MelBelli [public] Clif: bye everyone! [public] MelBelli returns from the grave to appeal the gag order [*log_imp] * NAME CHANGE: MelBelli(#4694) to hagbard [public] hagbard: Gnite, Clif Clif thanks MacDuff! MacDuff says, "It was my pleasure :)" Clif thanks Puck! Puck says "You're so very, very welcome." [public] Puck: gnight Clif [public] OJ: what gloves? Clif hi5s OJ! OJ is hi5'd. Clif hugs OJ! OJ hugs ya back, smearing peanut butter and jelly on your shirt. Clif hi5s Puck! Puck tries to high five back, but flies to high and ends up slapping air. Puck yays Clif! Clif thinks aloud that yay is fun! wheee! Clif hugs Puck! Puck wraps you in her wings and whispers fairy tales in your ear [public] Clif: /quits:**( Clif yays MacDuff! MacDuff thinks aloud that yay is fun! wheee! [public] Clif: /quits:*( Puck loves Clif! Clif feels the love in the room! MacDuff hugs Clif! Clif hugs back and gives you a BIG smile. [public] Puck: once, more Clif, this time with feeling/ Clif loves Puck! Puck loves you, too. Clif loves MacDuff! MacDuff bets you say that to all the gals.. [public] Clif: /quits :......:( Clif has disconnected. The Critics: [_mentor] hagbard: Talk about a long death scene.... [public] Polonius pokes out from behind the arass. [public] Polonius: Is he gone? The Theater is @set dark: [public] Frnkzk has left this channel. [public] Zaphod jabs Polonius rather sharply with a toothpick [public] MacDuff closes the log